Often, I cannot be sure that what I'm typing is what I, as a person, would write. Because I realize I write differently at different times. Sometimes, I read something else just before I type here or I read something that makes me want to type here so I don't know, I guess that probably affects how I would put down my thoughts. Like c'mon, I don't even usually speak like this. Or maybe I do? I'm not sure.
Tonight, I think I'll be honest. For the most part, I just want to write about what happened today because I think today went by quite interestingly. And also, I do like Wednesdays for a number of reasons. 1) My lessons start at 2:30PM. 2) It is the day after Tuesday (i.e. the only day where I have tutorials and usually need to hand in/present something and that turns me into a nervous wreck) 3) I have Asian Film History class in the evening. When I type this fast, it's good, I think, because part of me is like "I'm not stopping to think about what I'm writing, so everything must be largely true." That's just my opinion in this moment. That opinion might not last very long. Usually, that is the case.
Last night, for some reason that is still unbeknownst to me, Unchained Melody was just playing in my head and impelled me to go search for it. Thus, the clip above featuring The Righteous Brothers version. I think it's a really nice song. And that led me to listen to other old songs that also pounced on me earlier this year - you might have seen me post them here - Elvis' Are You Lonesome Tonight and the Louis Armstrong-Ella Fitzgerald duet of Dream A Little Dream of Me. I'm glad I know some music from the time before I was born because sometimes, music like that is just what you need for the moment, you know?
This week is the last week of school. Then exams start on the 19th. Last lectures are extremely short. Yesterday, HS1003 ended 1 hour earlier. Today, HL8022 ended 2 hours earlier and FIL230 ended 45 minutes earlier. Aside from Asian Film History, I also like Wednesdays because Religion and Culture in The Modern World is always interesting. Nazry (our lecturer) bumped into us while Edson, Pranav and I were at Canteen A and then proceeded to have his meal with us. To a certain extent, I think it was a bit strange and he, himself, has proven to be rather eccentric, but not in a bad way. Anyway, lunch with 2 Sociology students and a lecturer who's studying for Ph.D in Theology - I guess you can predict what we talked about.
During Asian Film History, B Thiam was also especially idealistic and seemed to be in his own fluffy unearthly world where grades or deadlines didn't exist. I presume it is because it is officially the end of the module. What was really interesting to me that both he and Nazry basically said that the bell curve is a stupid concept. In a nutshell, B Thiam said it meant that there was a quota to fulfill for each letter grade, A, B, C etc. And as a teacher, he felt that wasn't the point to make all of his students 'A students'? Which I think was a really valid point.
Do not really know where I am going with this but I think it's cool to have teachers like that. Nazry even said he wants to break down the dichotomy of teacher and student. It's so lame (facepalm) but it's a nice (also slightly strange) thought. If ever I go into Broadcast & Cinema Studies, I hope I will see B Thiam again. And I will miss them. Didn't really say goodbye to Sulfikar. Too bad some more, coz' I think out of my electives teachers - he's the only one who knows my name and can connect name to face. Maybe next time, when I take another Sociology module.
Honestly can't wait for this semester to be over. I am terribly unprepared for exams and still slacking as much as ever but God has really been so kind :') I hope I manage to pull through this semester. And although admittedly, I think the system's quite strange since we chiong for one sem and it's totally useless the next sem, but at the same time, I like the thought of being able to start anew every 6 months. New people, new chances, learn totally new things - I guess that's what university is for. Ideally. Make the best and most of what we have, that's all there is to it.
This week is the last week of school. Then exams start on the 19th. Last lectures are extremely short. Yesterday, HS1003 ended 1 hour earlier. Today, HL8022 ended 2 hours earlier and FIL230 ended 45 minutes earlier. Aside from Asian Film History, I also like Wednesdays because Religion and Culture in The Modern World is always interesting. Nazry (our lecturer) bumped into us while Edson, Pranav and I were at Canteen A and then proceeded to have his meal with us. To a certain extent, I think it was a bit strange and he, himself, has proven to be rather eccentric, but not in a bad way. Anyway, lunch with 2 Sociology students and a lecturer who's studying for Ph.D in Theology - I guess you can predict what we talked about.
During Asian Film History, B Thiam was also especially idealistic and seemed to be in his own fluffy unearthly world where grades or deadlines didn't exist. I presume it is because it is officially the end of the module. What was really interesting to me that both he and Nazry basically said that the bell curve is a stupid concept. In a nutshell, B Thiam said it meant that there was a quota to fulfill for each letter grade, A, B, C etc. And as a teacher, he felt that wasn't the point to make all of his students 'A students'? Which I think was a really valid point.
Do not really know where I am going with this but I think it's cool to have teachers like that. Nazry even said he wants to break down the dichotomy of teacher and student. It's so lame (facepalm) but it's a nice (also slightly strange) thought. If ever I go into Broadcast & Cinema Studies, I hope I will see B Thiam again. And I will miss them. Didn't really say goodbye to Sulfikar. Too bad some more, coz' I think out of my electives teachers - he's the only one who knows my name and can connect name to face. Maybe next time, when I take another Sociology module.
Honestly can't wait for this semester to be over. I am terribly unprepared for exams and still slacking as much as ever but God has really been so kind :') I hope I manage to pull through this semester. And although admittedly, I think the system's quite strange since we chiong for one sem and it's totally useless the next sem, but at the same time, I like the thought of being able to start anew every 6 months. New people, new chances, learn totally new things - I guess that's what university is for. Ideally. Make the best and most of what we have, that's all there is to it.
Anyway, I also said this post will have some honesty. Not that I'm usually dishonest, I guess by 'honest' I actually mean 'talk-about-things-I-feel-that-I-usually-would-not-type-on-a-public-platform'. Because I think I'll talk about N today, or Z. Last week, I saw Ziying. Or rather, she saw me. When I turned and realized it was her, I was stunned. I was telling Celestine this and the first thing she said was, (if I remember correctly) "Oh shit." or at least something along that line. Just recently, I met a few people from my past and you know, they ask about the gang and everything. For those who know the story, more often than not, they don't understand why I had to do it. Glen said it was unnecessary and I should have just let us drift apart till there was nothingness but you know, at that time, I couldn't do that.
I guess I can see his point. It's not a new opinion, of course - I have heard it before. But I think since all this time has passed, I can see better and more clearly. Maybe because I can look at "what was" from a distance now. Perhaps not that great a distance since I still think about the gang, sometimes. (shrugs) But yes, there is definitely a distance. Yes, I do miss them. I have a lot of things that would remind of them so it's inevitable and sometimes I just get sad to know my relationships couldn't stand the test of time. (or distance)
Since we bumped into each other last week, there were a few times where I thought about asking Z out for lunch, since we're in the same school and all. I wondered what we would talk about. I wondered if it would be awkward. I think it was the first time I had seen her in ... has it already been close to 2 years? Omg. I wondered if maybe it wouldn't be awkward. I wondered if we could be like 'new' friends. I wondered if the moment really came, if we (not just Z, I mean H and N too) were willing to give each other another chance. Having said that, I've let G and S down too so ... I don't know where I stand there either.
I don't regret what I did, I think that was the way it had to happen. But I'd be lying too if I said I don't think about what would happen if I hadn't. Haha. I really do miss them. ... I said it again because it's true and I think that was basically the bottom line of all this. That's all.
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